Most children are considered difficult from time to time, mostly when they are being uncooperative or oppositional. The reasons for their difficult behavior are usually fairly obvious. They are tired, cranky, frightened or maybe just plain stubborn. These children are not normally "difficult," and ordinarily they respond to reason and discipline.

The children I am describing as "difficult kids" in this book do not fit the above description. They are not just uncooperative or stubborn. The reason for their difficult behavior is not always obvious. In fact, it is often perplexing or makes no sense at all.

Their behavior is chronic and often, though not always, is characterized as defiant, disrespectful or belligerent. It is usually self-defeating for the child and frequently results in serious consequences or punishments which rarely change or improve the difficult behavior.

Sometimes the difficult behavior is not angry or defiant but almost the opposite - lethargic, lazy or unmotivated. Nothing seems to work with these children either. They seem not to care about anything.

Both the defiant/disruptive child and the lethargic/unmotivated child or adolescent appear either unable or unwilling to stop the difficult behavior regardless of the repercussions. They do not respond to reason and sometimes seem committed to self-defeating behavior. They also seem to be oblivious of other people's feelings. Consequently, they can make you very, very angry. In short, nothing seems to work with these kids.

The sense of frustration, anger and hopelessness that they frequently engender in the adults they encounter set them apart from their peers. They seem different from other kids and they are. The goal of this book is to explain how and why they are different, and what you can do to get them to cooperate without losing your cool. Throughout the book, the words "child," "children" and "kids" will be used to refer to adolescents as well as younger children. Often difficult adolescents are emotionally developmentally arrested: below the surface they are young children who have not yet mastered the skills needed to successfully negotiate adolescent developmental tasks.