Joyce Divinyi

September 2003

Odds are good that you will have identified the students with the most problematic behavior by the time you read this. Begin immediately to implement the following with these students:

Suggestions:

Find out the following information by giving an assignment or just simply asking: Favorites, Subject, Movie, Game, Past time/hobbies, Person

Look at the most frustrating habits and consider what strengths lie beneath. It can take real character strength to challenge authority, or defy the rules or to just sit and do nothing in the face of multiple efforts on the part of many. Let your problematic students know that you can see how they use their natural tendencies for the good of the community or in their own best interests.

Example:

1) Say to a student who tries to take over the class: “You are a natural born leader and I am hoping that we can find ways for you to lead the group in the direction they need to get their jobs done.”

2) To a student who defies authority, you can say “You are clearly a fearless person because you are not afraid of consequences and I hope I can help you find ways to feel big and brave without having to fight the system.”

3) Tell the shut-down student: “Your ability to tune out and go into your own world could serve you well in your career or work someday. I hope that we can find a way to get you back to task when the urge comes over you to check out.”

Keep in mind children, and especially teens, that act out rarely hear anything good about themselves. When you reflect with them about their strengths and potential, you also send the message that they are okay, it is their behavior that is not okay in this environment. You also set the stage for letting them know that even though they have shown you some unacceptable behavior, you are confident that they can and will do the right thing. Positive expectations can be powerful.

For more information on the power of expectations or more ideas for using negative habits to reveal positive traits and potential see Good Kids, Difficult Behavior and the Good Kids, Difficult Behavior A, B, C’s Workbook.

When you try some of these strategies for preventing the dreads, I am confident you will be surprised and pleased at how much energy you will save. It’s worth a try.