Author of

 "Good Kids, Difficult Behavior"

and "Discipline That Works: 5 Simple Steps"

 NOTES FROM THE EDITOR

Dear Educators and Friends,

I can't believe that we are already through the first quarter of 2005. With the official beginning of spring and daylight savings time behind us, it is now time to begin preparing for the end of yet another school year.  Most of the county school districts in Georgia have had, or will be having spring break this month.  This is always a very busy time of the school year, with spring sports and other outdoor activities scheduled.

Be careful during this busy time to take care of your personal energy.  For those of you who may have missed Joyce's Energy Tip in last month's newsletter be sure to check it out.  Just go to our website where all of our newsletters are archived for your reading enjoyment.  Go to News and Press Release section and click on "archived issues" link.

Joyce is writing an article on the Foster Care system, and in particular those success stories, where someone started out in the foster care system and today is either in top management positions, or high profile sports athletes, or other notable successes.  If any of her readers know of someone that fits that profile she would appreciate hearing from you.

 ASK JOYCE

As Joyce travels and works with educators all over the country, she is constantly being asked---

"What do you do when...?" questions.  She has the greatest respect for "what do you do when questions" because usually the questioner is genuinely seeking new information and the teacher is willing to be a student.  Each month, Joyce will answer one or more of the most common "what do you do questions".  You are welcome to send one of yours.  She'll do her best to answer it.  Keep in mind, her answers may be different from the customary response but they are tried and true strategies for getting students to do what you are asking them to do.  Give yourself permission to try something new! Email Joyce at joyce@thehumanconnection.net  with any questions or situations you would like input on.  Let us know if we can show the question in a future newsletter or if you prefer to keep it private. We are hoping Joyce can help address situations you encounter and by sharing these questions/answers others can benefit as well.

Watching versus Seeing

Recently I have had a number of opportunities to observe children and the adults supervising them interact.  In some cases the adults were teachers watching students and in other cases, they were parents watching their own children or grandparents watching their grandchildren.

What I observed in these various instances is that some adults watch children and others see them.  Watching children and actually seeing them can be very different experiences for the children.

To watch children at play or students at work seems to be a matter of looking over them to make sure no one is doing something wrong or even dangerous.  It is really more like scanning.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that some adults are scanners and some are see-ers when it comes to supervising the activities of young people.  People who scan when they are watching children tend to be concentrating on making sure procedures or rules are being followed.  They tend to look over, past or through children in order to give directions or make corrections. 

People who are see-ers look into the eyes of a child or young person and seem to convey the message, “I am interested in you and trust that you are going to do the right thing.” 

Young children and teenagers always know if the adults in charge are watching them or seeing them.  They know that people who see them are usually interested in them as people and not just another kid.  They may even recognize that a seeing adult is angry, frustrated or disapproving of their behavior but they still have the sense that they are real and important and even unique.  Lots of times children do not want to disappoint an adult who genuinely sees them for who they are and they will check their own behavior or self-correct just to maintain the goodwill of the person who sees them.

When the adult in charge, whether parent or teacher or maybe after-school leader are just watching them, children are much less likely to care about pleasing them.  In fact, if they are prone or tempted to misbehave, they simply wait until the watching adult is no longer watching and take advantage of their inattention.

As many of you go into the challenging stretch between spring break and summer dismissal, try a little experiment.  As your students enter the room one day, make eye contact with each one and say something using their name…something nice of course.  I know there are moments you might have an urge to say something not so nice but for this experiment, a neutral comment like, “so Joseph, what’s up?”  will do.  For the rest of the class period, give your attention periodically to the eye contact you make with as many students as possible.  Just do what you would normally do only pay closer attention to whether you are seeing your students or just watching what they are doing. Observe yourself with them and note if you are seeing any difference in their behavior.

Truly seeing another human being without judgment and criticism is the foundation of building positive relationships.  Often the importance of establishing positive relationships between students and even difficult students and teachers is lost in the push to improve test scores.  Curriculum and technology take the forefront and relationships become incidental if not irrelevant.  But also, this is not consistent with human nature and basic psychology, which tells us that positive focus improves performance.  Simply put, students achieve best for teachers they like and believe like them.  Look carefully at your students this week and see their very best quality.  Mention it to them and see what happens.   In Good Kids, Difficult Behavior, I describe the power of positive relationships, page 47.  See this month's special promotion.

Joyce

Volume 31 April 2005

http://www.thehumanconnection.net

 ASK JOYCE

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UPCOMING TRAINING   SEMINARS

April 7-8, 2005

GRAD's Program

Chesapeke, OH

April 14, 2005

Wheeler County School Sys.

Alamo, GA

May 18, 2005

Woodland Community College

Woodland, CA

May 19, 2005

American River College

Sacramento, CA

July 13-15, 2005

19th Annual High Schools That Work Staff Development Conference

www.sreb.org

Opryland Hotel, Nashville, TN

 INSPIRATION

The most effective teacher will always be biased, for the chief force in teaching is confidence and enthusiasm.

Joyce Cary

Taken from ~ http://www.inspirational-quotes.info/index.html

 PERSONAL ENERGY SAVER

Energy Tip of the Month

I must share with you all this month my continued enthusiasm about the positive energy that is freed up when television watching is seriously limited to very short periods of mostly upbeat programs.  It is amazing how good it can feel to limit as many negative influences pressing on us as possible and television can be both subtle and powerful in its negative influence and therefore is energy draining potential.  Whatever or whoever impresses our minds and hearts with anger, violence, hatred hostility or fear robs us of our personal energy.  Remember, you are in charge of your energy supply.  Be careful how you spend it.

Some things I have observed by severely limiting my television watching:

1.  I do not feel so frustrated and powerless about all the many evils and tragedies that occur daily over which I have no influence or control.

2.  I allow my mind to wander more to pleasant thoughts and the goodness of so many people I know and love.

3.  I read more books that keep my mind focused on goodness, including personal and spiritual growth.

4.  I listen to more beautiful music.

5.  I worry less about everything.

6.  Less worry—more focus on positive thoughts and the goodness and joys of life give me more energy.

Try cutting back on your TV watching.  At first it will feel weird.  It may feel almost like you are coming off of a drug. But the sense that watching TV is relaxing, may be an illusion.  It may be that it is really draining you of much needed energy and joy.

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