Author of

 "Good Kids, Difficult Behavior" and "Discipline That Works: 5 Simple Steps" http://www.thehumanconnection.net   Volume 27 December 2004

Note from the Editor

Dear Educators and Friends,

Can't believe that this year is already in it's last month, albeit a very busy month for most everyone.  In this hectic and fast paced month let's take some time to reflect on all of the special events over the past year as we prepare for the arrival of yet another New Year.  Each of us can reflect on those events, both special and tragic, that meant the most to us as individuals and those that significantly affected our nation and individual states.

Lets not forget to remember and thank all of our servicemen and women all over the world who are defending our country from terrorisms.  We all have many reasons to be thankful for what we have in this country, our freedoms must not be taken for granted.  We have men and women dying for those very freedoms right now.

This is truly a joyous time of the year as we share good times with friends and family, many of us traveling to visit relatives in other parts of the country.  May you all have a safe and wonderful holiday season.

Best Wishes and Season's Greetings

Mark @ The Human Connection

Check out "Ask Joyce" below for her answer to an educator's question. What would you like to ask Joyce? See how to send in your own question below! We look forward to hearing from you during this school year. Please let us know how it went if you try some of Joyce's suggestions. Joyce really wants to be a help to you.

 

If you like the newsletter, please consider forwarding it to your colleagues and system staff development specialists.

Mark@TheHumanConnection.net

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This book has been used as a valuable study guide for discussion groups with educators throughout the country. 

We recommend this inexpensive staff development opportunity to you.  It will renew your feeling of confidence, having learned strategies and guidelines to better understand and communicate with your students.

Give yourself a gift that will start the New Year off on a positive note.

As Joyce travels and works with educators all over the country, she is constantly being asked--- "What do you do when...?" questions.  She has the greatest respect for "what do you do when questions" because usually the questioner is genuinely seeking new information and the teacher is willing to be a student.  Each month, Joyce will answer one or more of the most common "what do you do questions".  You are welcome to send one of yours.  She'll do her best to answer it.  Keep in mind, her answers may be different from the customary response but they are tried and true strategies for getting students to do what you are asking them to do.  Give yourself permission to try something new! Email Joyce at joyce@thehumanconnection.net  with any questions or situations you would like input on.  Let us know if we can show the question in a future newsletter or if you prefer to keep it private. We are hoping Joyce can help address situations you encounter and by sharing these questions/answers others can benefit as well.

FROM Joyce:

I am writing this with a profound awareness that we are in the season of “way too much to do.”  I am reminded of the image I read recently of the woman who was still clutching her “to do” list as they slipped her into the straight jacket. 

With that in mind, my comments are going to be brief and directed toward saving time and energy.  Remember this is meant to be a season of love and love is incomplete if it is not extended to oneself.  Right this minute give yourself permission to leave something (preferably something of consequence) undone.  What a concept.  Reassure yourself that all shall be well if all things are not done perfectly, beautifully, and in a timely manner, the world will still turn on its axis; the sun will rise tomorrow and people will still love you. 

This year for instance, I am putting out half the decorations I usually do.  All that decorating and un-decorating takes time.  I also took my daughter and her friend up on the offer to buy and decorate my tree.  Usually this is a task that I believe can only be done properly if I do it. I even like picking out the perfect tree.  Guess what?  The tree looks just fine and most of the friends and family who will visit over the holidays won’t know or care that the house really isn’t decorated just right.  The tranquility of the house is more important.

If there is no time in this season to just sit by the fire and look at the tree and enjoy one another, I do believe we are missing the point.  Another energy saving tip is to give yourself permission to say no to some commitment, even if it is a good thing.  Good is good but what you might need most is time at home to do nothing, but something fun.  It will be okay.  I promise.

Have a beautiful, restful and happily energizing Holiday Season. 

Blessings,

Joyce

Tips for tranquility at work;

One of the most energy draining things that teachers must do about this time of year is parent-teacher conferences.  I recently sat in on a conference for one of the teenagers with whom I have been treating for depression.  He is not doing well in school, which, of course, is a hallmark of adolescent depression.  The teacher started the conference by saying the boy was failing and there was simply nothing that could be done at this point.  Since there were three weeks left in the semester, his comments made the conference an exercise in futility.  Futility is highly energy draining.  I was told that the poor teacher was so undone by this conference that he was barely able to return to class.  I wanted to say to him “that’s what happens when you begin any communication on a negative, hopeless note.”  It shuts down the creative energy of the group and alas everyone leaves feeling rotten.   Now the truth may have been that there was nothing to do to give the boy who was just feeling a little relief from his very scary depression but the teacher would have saved himself enormous grief not to mention salvaged his relationship with his student by starting out by saying something like this:  “Son, I know you have been going through a terrible time and I am glad that you are beginning to feel better.  You are demonstrating that by being here now.  I can’t honestly see how you can pass this semester but if you will come and work with me before school, we can get you caught up and next semester will be no problem.”

A simple positive statement to open the dialogue and a little human compassion are powerful energy boosters.  Please consider starting all student or parent conferences with positive comments and statements of hope.  If the facts are that the student is simply not doing his part, then let that be said with compassion also.  For example,   “I know my class is not ever going to be your favorite subject and that’s okay with me.  Not everyone loves history like I do but I want you to be able to pass so that you don’t have to keep doing something you really don’t like and I need you to do your part.  How can I help you do that?”  Versus “Well, if you had handed in your homework (like at home is pretty horrible for this boy) and even made an attempt to study for the test, or come and ask for help, this wouldn’t have happened.  You brought this all on yourself.”  Kids do not ask for help from people who judge, condemn or offer no hope.  Most adults don’t either.

Simple compassion coupled with a little hope and “we’re in this together” goes along way to save the teacher’s energy and maybe even the student’s inclination to change.

This teacher was exhausted and troubled after this conference because his opening statements put everyone, including himself on the defensive.  That meant everyone was in the E (emotional) part of the brain and problem solving (the T, thinking) part of everyone’s brain (including mine) couldn’t get much done.

Let your emotional brain be for having fun and enjoying.  Don’t let the fear of criticism (the number one fear most educators experience at a parent conference) dominate your communications.  It will make you tire

I encourage you to read and pass on pages-----in Good Kids, Difficult Behavior for more positive suggestions on parent conferencing. 

Inspiration:

The most effective teacher will always be biased,
for the chief force in teaching is confidence and enthusiasm.
Joyce Cary

Taken from ~ http://www.inspirational-quotes.info/index.html

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Copyright 2004 The Human Connection