Brrrr!  I am writing to you from Chicago, Illinois where it is seriously cold and windy and the Chicago Bears are the talk of the town.  By the time you get this they may be Super Bowl Champions but just down the road a piece the folks are rooting for the Colts.  Wherever you are, I hope you enjoyed the last big hoorah of the football season.

With lots of winter still ahead for most of you, I hope that you are enjoying this school year and not being worn to a frazzle by frustrating situations with students.  This month I want to speak specifically to Special Educators and classroom teachers who have “tried everything and nothing is working” with a particularly difficult student.  It may be time to step back and do a quick assessment of the situation.  Here are a few suggestions that might help you come up with a new idea or strategy that will help:

1. Emotional development and intellectual development do not always keep pace with each other.  A student with chronic behavior difficulties probably has a significant lag in his emotional development.   This means that their ability to cope with frustration and stress is much less mature than their chronological age.
2. Emotional coping skills come with time and training. A student may be intellectually capable of the work required but not necessarily emotionally able to recognize the rights of others, calm themselves down or push themselves to do something that isn’t fun.
3. Help students develop coping skills.  Talk to them about what want you them to do for you the next time they get frustrated, bored or agitated.

Ex:  “Apparently you do not like this class, but do you think it fair to make it hard for other people to learn? 

 How about the next time you get bored or agitated, you take out a piece of paper and start drawing?  You               might even find that you can listen and draw and you can give others the chance they need to learn too.

4. Speak in a kind, matter of fact way.  Do not come across judgmental. You really do not know if anyone has ever taken the time to make this youngster aware of how their behavior affects others.  Babies and young children are not aware of other people’s needs.  If this student experienced trauma early in life, it is possible that they still cope with the world much like a small child or even an infant would.  A first step in helping them develop age appropriate coping skills is to help them become conscious of what they are doing and how it is affecting others. Teach them the basics of being aware.
5. Give students a substitute behavior.  Give them something to instead of what they are doing.

Ex:  “Next time you get all frustrated because you don’t get something, just say to yourself, ‘I will get it’ because you will.  I will help you get it if you will try to talk to cheer yourself on instead of just getting mad.”

6. If punishment is necessary then combine it with a training session.  If is necessary to send a student to detention or in-school suspension let it be a time to for the student to think for themselves and write about what they could do to keep them from getting in the same kind of trouble the next time.  Writing about an incident that has occurred can be both instructional and therapeutic. If they can’t figure out what they could have done differently, help them.

If you can’t think of what a student could to help themselves settle down, handle frustration or boredom, then send me an e-mail and I’ll try to help.  I’ve done with lots of kids and it is usually very helpful.  Whatever you do, don’t just keep punishing the student when it is not having any positive affect.