Author of

 "Good Kids, Difficult Behavior" and "Discipline That Works: 5 Simple Steps" http://www.thehumanconnection.net   Volume 26 November 2004

Dear Educators and Friends,

If you haven't taken the opportunity to visit our website lately, please stop by and see what's new.  We have added several new areas of interest, such as a new press release, new Educational Management Consulting section, and couple of new items in the Book Store.  Don't forget to check out the Educational Events page to see "Where in the World is Joyce". 

As we celebrate Thanksgiving this year lets not forget to give thanksgiving for all that we have, and not just monetary, but our family, friends and health.  The tradition of the Pilgrims' first Thanksgiving is steeped in myth and legend.  There are several informative websites that do a good job covering the history of Thanksgiving, which makes for some interesting and educational reading.    

 Have a Safe and Enjoyable Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Day, November 25th

Check out "Ask Joyce" below for her answer to an educator's question. What would you like to ask Joyce? See how to send in your own question below! We look forward to hearing from you during this school year. Please let us know how it went if you try some of Joyce's suggestions. Joyce really wants to be a help to you.

 

If you like the newsletter, please consider forwarding it to your colleagues and system staff development specialists.

Mark @ The Human Connection

Special of the Month for our Ezine Subscribers

  For the month of November 15% off all books  

For this month's special we are offering discounts on all three books...

"Discipline That Works: 5 Simple Steps"

"Good Kids, Difficult Behavior"

"The ABC's Workbook:

Creating a Behavior Change Plan That Works - (Workbooks)"

Take advantage of the special...order today!

As Joyce travels and works with educators all over the country, she is constantly being asked--- "What do you do when...?" questions.  She has the greatest respect for "what do you do when questions" because usually the questioner is genuinely seeking new information and the teacher is willing to be a student.  Each month, Joyce will answer one or more of the most common "what do you do questions".  You are welcome to send one of yours.  She'll do her best to answer it.  Keep in mind, her answers may be different from the customary response but they are tried and true strategies for getting students to do what you are asking them to do.  Give yourself permission to try something new! Email Joyce at joyce@thehumanconnection.net  with any questions or situations you would like input on.  Let us know if we can show the question in a future newsletter or if you prefer to keep it private. We are hoping Joyce can help address situations you encounter and by sharing these questions/answers others can benefit as well.

FROM Joyce:

Energy Tip:  Consider a Personal Energy Audit

Of all the daily events and interactions that have the potential to drain our personal energy, none is as frustrating as the time spent with a negative person.  Sad to say, these unhappy folks seem to be growing in numbers.  Their personal energy supplies are depleted, as they live life in a great deal of fear and anger.  They tend to seek out the company and comfort of upbeat positive people because they need their positive energy to re-supply their own empty tanks.

Many of us feel sorry for negative friends, colleagues or family members.  We want them to feel better, have a little hope and just generally be happy.  So we try to help them.  We listen to their sad stories, angry recitations or “I’m sick of it….” tirades.  But alas, nothing changes.  Our sympathies seem wasted.  They stay miserable and we get tired.  Our own energy supply has been depleted by the encounter.  They need our energy and we give it to them.  The problem is, it didn’t change their attitude or outlook, it just depleted our energy supply.

Beware!  This kind of energy draining encounter can happen numerous times in the course of a day and leave you feeling utterly exhausted at days end.  Your responsibility to yourself is to protect your energy supply.  In order to do that, take time to do a personal energy audit.  It is quite simple.  The steps are listed below.

The next morning after you have had a chance to rest, review your card from the previous day.  Are there more pluses than minuses?   I hope so.  If not, you probably came home at the end of your day exhausted. 

Take a few minutes to consider who or what took the most energy.  Also review those interactions that fell on the plus side of your card.  Make a commitment to yourself to start your new day by seeking out more positive people today.  We tend to ignore these very important people because of the demands of the very needy.  Positive people need one another too, and best of all, you both walk away feeling good.

Last but not least, give yourself permission to limit the time and energy you are willing to give to the energy draining people in our life.    Some cannot be avoided but you can restrict the time you are willing to spend listening, coaching, coaxing or generally attending to them.  It may feel wrong to do this, but it is not.  It is healthy self-care. 

Next month:  Healthy ways to handle negative (unhealthy) people.

If it is not working….Stop It.

One of the most amazing things about human behavior is how long it takes us to quit doing something that is not working for us.  I see this in my own behavior when I find myself constantly searching for all the paperwork or receipts I need following a trip.  The time I have taken on these searches is ridiculous. Finally I said to myself, “Enough!  Stop long enough to think this through and come up with a system that will work.”  A new system, not complicated by the way, is now in place.  Thank goodness. 

I see this same phenomenon going on in school classrooms across the country.  A discipline policy is in place.  Say, a homework policy that takes points from the overall grade when homework is not returned on time.  By now it is clear that a certain number of students, sometimes very bright and capable students, are not going to turn in their homework—grade or no grade.  The policy, which was designed to teach students to get assigned work in on time, is not working. Yet, this policy will stay in place no matter what. 

I could give dozen of examples.  Your goal is to get students to perform in a certain way so you create strategies to help them do what is best.  You find out that the strategies aren’t working and you keep doing them anyway. It is silly.

Take a minute to consider your own classroom or school wide policies that are ineffective with that “certain number of kids”.  What else could you do for them?  It is sensible and practical to customize and strategize for these kids.   After all, the goal is to help them succeed because the new NCLB legislation dictates that they cannot be “left behind.”

For instance, many highly capable students don’t get homework in on time because they can’t seem to get organized.  Some of the most brilliant and successful and well-paid people in our society need help getting and staying organized. 

Perhaps instead of penalizing them for this failure, why not assist them in coming up with an organizational strategy that will help them get the homework done and back on time.  Maybe they could be given class time to finish it.  I know it isn’t technically homework if they do it in school but they would be learning, though.  That is what matters, isn’t it?   Maybe they need to get a friend to call and remind them or put a big sign on their refrigerator door or create some kind of computerized reminder.  Helping them figure out a strategy is more effective then continually penalizing them. 

Many troubled and at-risk students have such stressful home lives that doing homework is just not realistic.  Give these kids an alternative.  They need help.  Changing a discipline or classroom policy that isn’t working for them is appropriate.  It is smart.  Consider what policies that you may be using in your classroom that are not working and eliminate, revise or stop this policy.  Then give yourself a minute to come up with a new strategy. If you can’t think of any, ask Joyce via email.  I will do what I can to  help you brainstorm.

Inspiration:

Books are the treasured wealth of the world
and the fit inheritance of generations and nations.
Henry David Thoreau

Taken from ~ http://www.inspirational-quotes.info/index.html

Personal Energy Saver:

The Human Connection

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Email: For info about newsletter/website, contact mark@thehumanconnection.net

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Copyright 2004 The Human Connection