Author of

 "Good Kids, Difficult Behavior" and "Discipline That Works: 5 Simple Steps" http://www.thehumanconnection.net   Volume 25 October 2004

Dear Educators and Friends,

It seems hard to believe that it's fall season already, as our educators and students are settling in for another school year.  This is a great time of the year, what with high-school football, and other outdoor activities, all taking advantage of the beautiful fall weather. 

October brings us daylight savings time, and although we lose an hour it does help with the school bus stop visibility.  Let's be very careful of our most precious commodities, our children, so let's all slow down.

This is also the month we celebrate Columbus Day (Second Monday in October)

Here is what The World Book Encyclopedia says about Columbus Day:

"Columbus Day honors Christopher Columbus' first voyage to America in 1492. Columbus Day became a legal federal holiday in the United States in 1971. It is celebrated on the second Monday in October. Before 1971, a number of states celebrated Columbus Day on October 12. Cities and organizations sponsor parades and banquets on Columbus Day.

The first Columbus Day celebration was held in 1792, when New York City celebrated the 300th anniversary of the landing. In 1892, President Benjamin Harrison called upon the people of the United States to celebrate Columbus Day on the 400th anniversary of the event. Columbus Day has been celebrated annually since 1920.

Although the land Columbus reached was not named after him, many monuments honor him. The Republic of Colombia in South America and the District of Columbia in the United States bear his name. So do towns, rivers, streets, and public buildings. The name Columbia has also been used as a poetic personification of the United States . The Columbus Memorial Library in Washington, D.C., contains about 350,000 volumes on the American republics."

 Happy Halloween

 October 31st.
 

Check out "Ask Joyce" below for her answer to an educator's question. What would you like to ask Joyce? See how to send in your own question below! We look forward to hearing from you during this school year. Please let us know how it went if you try some of Joyce's suggestions. Joyce really wants to be a help to you.

 

If you like the newsletter, please consider forwarding it to your colleagues and system staff development specialists.

Mark @ The Human Connection

Special of the Month for our Ezine Subscribers

 Introductory Price $11.00     (15% Discount)

Joyce is proud to present her latest training program (support manual)

The Bridge From Rage To Reason:  Coaching Traumatized Children to Think Before They Act.

Understanding a simple model of brain structure as it relates to intense emotional behavior will assist educators in helping students learn how to express emotions appropriately without losing control.  The program explains why punishment for angry outburst and emotional meltdowns generally does not improve behavior and can even make it worse.  The emotions/thinking/action (E-T-A™) model discussed is a valuable tool in the process of moving wounded children from rageful reactions to reason and appropriate action. 

As Joyce travels and works with educators all over the country, she is constantly being asked--- "What do you do when...?" questions.  She has the greatest respect for "what do you do when questions" because usually the questioner is genuinely seeking new information and the teacher is willing to be a student.  Each month, Joyce will answer one or more of the most common "what do you do questions".  You are welcome to send one of yours.  She'll do her best to answer it.  Keep in mind, her answers may be different from the customary response but they are tried and true strategies for getting students to do what you are asking them to do.  Give yourself permission to try something new! Email Joyce at joyce@thehumanconnection.net  with any questions or situations you would like input on.  Let us know if we can show the question in a future newsletter or if you prefer to keep it private. We are hoping Joyce can help address situations you encounter and by sharing these questions/answers others can benefit as well.

FROM Joyce:

Coping with Powerlessness

Sometimes the most difficult part of the daily work-a-day world is coping with feelings of powerlessness.  Many professionals, especially those working on the “front line” are keenly aware of problems that need to be addressed or changes that need to happen.  However, they have no power to make changes to organizational policies and practices no matter how useful or sensible the changes would be.  The reality of this phenomenon can create daily frustration and even intense anger.  This can deplete personal energy and lead to burn out and exhaustion.

Therefore an important tool of personal energy management is learning how to cope with powerlessness.  Here are several suggestions for maintaining healthy personal energy levels when one is feeling powerless.

·    Become aware that both the feeling of powerlessness and the reality of being powerless can stimulate a great deal of anger.  If you find yourself feeling angry all day and going home angry it might be helpful to ask yourself if you are dealing with powerlessness.

·    Recognize that constant anger can stimulate rebellion and resistance.  If you find yourself feeling oppositional or unwilling to do even the things that you can do in your job, then you may want to ask yourself if this could be caused by a sense of powerlessness.

·    Identify the reason/s for your sense of powerlessness.   Spend time considering exactly what, or perhaps who, is prompting your feelings of powerlessness.  Sometimes it may appear to be a specific person, but upon consideration, that person is simply a representative of an autocratic system that prohibits dissent or disagreement from within its ranks.

·    Discern the difference between feeling powerless and being powerless.  Often the best antidote to powerlessness is action.  Perhaps there is something that you can do in the situation but you are reluctant to take action for a variety of reasons.

·    Discuss the situation with a trusted friend or colleague.  Another perspective can help you discover a course of action that might not have occurred to you.  You may believe that you are powerless, but in fact you may not be.

·    Take action if you can.  Even small actions can go a long way toward mitigating feelings of powerlessness. Expressing your frustration in a calm cool fashion, or making a minor change in the area over which you do have some control can lower frustration levels.

·    Acknowledge and accept the fact that you may be powerless.  Since action is the only antidote to powerlessness, accepting one’s powerlessness, as difficult as that may be, is the only action available under the circumstances.   Acceptance is not becoming a victim.  Acceptance is not resignation. Acceptance is recognizing and honoring the limits of your own power.

Respond instead of react. You can choose to actively respond to your circumstances with the calming emotions of acceptance instead of reacting with energy draining anger and frustration.

·    Give yourself permission to let go of your frustration and anger.  .   If you are, in fact, unable to do what you believe would help, then take a deep breath and say to yourself “There is nothing I can do about this and I can let it go.”  It is the only way to preserve your personal energy. 

·    Learn how to let go by training yourself how to move from emotions (E) to thinking (T) and then to action (A).  Different areas of the brain govern our ability to feel and think and act.   Sophisticated neuropath ways actually act as bridges in the brain to allow us to move from intense feelings to rational thinking to choosing a course of action.  “I feel frustrated (E) but my intellect tells me (T) that there is nothing I can do in this situation, therefore I will choose to focus on what I can do (A.) 

 

The problem is that when intense feelings are stimulated, it can seem as though we have no choice but to let those feelings take over and direct the actions (A) we take.  This is not really true.

·    Change your self-talk.  You can train your thinking brain to move from emotion to thinking by changing how you talk to yourself.  If you find yourself feeling angry because of your powerlessness, tell yourself to “Get into the “T”.  This phrase can help remind you that you do, in fact, have the power to choose how much or how long you will let yourself be angry about any significant issue.  You can make the decision to stop feeling angry and start thinking about the limits of your power.  This can happen even if you have a legitimate right to be angry in the first place. The E-T-A model of coaching yourself to move from emotions to thinking to action can be a useful tool when training yourself to accept things you cannot change.

Keep your focus on the choices you do have. Once you give up energy draining emotions and accept the reality of your powerlessness, then let yourself focus on what you can do in your work environment.   Recognize that you do have the choice to actually leave a work situation in which you have no real power.  If you choose not to leave, then honor your choice as a proactive decision that you are making in order to meet other higher priorities.  You are choosing to exercise your power of personal choice.  The power of personal choice over your own decisions and reactions is the most important power you have.  Focusing on the power of personal choice restores a great deal of emotional energy for the enjoyable things in life.  For example, as a teacher, there are many things you cannot change about a student’s home life or the system in which you work.   However you do have the power to impact a student’s life and work in a positive way on a daily basis.  This alone is a great deal of power. 

·    Remember, that small things can have great power.  Once the negative energy of anger and resentment is no longer weighing you down, you can focus on small things that can give a great sense of satisfaction. These small things can have great power such as giving yourself or someone else a pat on the back, and a reassuring smile.  Even small gestures of encouragement and reassurance can be an effective way to deal with the experience of powerlessness in the work place.

Students Can Feel Powerless Too

Many students who seem angry all the time are feeling powerless to change some of the stressful situations in their lives.  In fact, children and teens are fairly powerless to make important choices in their lives, especially if they are living in dreadful circumstances.  Their frustrations quickly become anger, which, in turn, can become oppositional behavior. 

Sometimes the most effective way to work with an angry child or teen is to help them deal with powerless feelings in a positive and productive way.  The following suggestions may help you accomplish this task.

Give the student and opportunity to be a leader.  Sometimes these students have a knack for leading other students in the wrong direction.  Take advantage of this natural leadership skill by giving the student an opportunity to:

• Lead a discussion (ie. call on other students.)

• Conduct a test review.

• Hand out papers.

• Help another student.

• Help students in lower grades.

• Lead a one-minute music break.

• Let them teach something to the class.

Tell the student that you think they have natural leadership talent.  Many angry students who living in desperate circumstances never hear a positive word about themselves.  Hearing positive words about oneself can do a lot to defuse angry feelings.

Help the student create a vision of a future.  Tell that the time will come when they will have the power to use their gifts and talents and make all their own choices.  Describe a time in the student’s life when they will have the freedom to make a life for themselves that is better than what they may now have.  Say to the student, “ I can see you someday running your own shop and feeling proud of yourself because you got the education you need to handle any situation well.” 

(See Good Kids, Difficult Behavior p.53)

Inspiration:

He that teaches us anything which we knew not
before is undoubtedly to be reverenced as a master.
Samuel Johnson

Taken from ~ http://www.inspirational-quotes.info/index.html

Just For Fun:  School dinners and school cafeteria jokes and humor

           (From - www.schooljokes.com )

Editor's favorite link of the month:

Family Education Network

http://familyeducation.com/home

The Human Connection

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Copyright 2004 The Human Connection