Author of

 "Good Kids, Difficult Behavior"

and "Discipline That Works: 5 Simple Steps"

 NOTES FROM THE EDITOR

Dear Educators and Friends,

I love Autumn - always have, always will - but this year, it's especially welcomed for reasons other than fresh apples, cooler weather, and the first cup of hot chocolate after the sweltering summer.  After the chaos that was Katrina, then Rita, Delta's bankruptcy, and the stress that we deal with every day, I am hoping Fall will be a change for the better. 

As Joyce has taught us we need to protect our energy level and avoid those energy draining encounters that we face on a daily basis.  This is a good time of the year to remind ourselves and recommit to doing just that; remember you need to take of yourself before you can take care of others.

It has been some time since we reminded you to give us your feedback about the newsletter and our website.  If you have any comments or suggestions as to how we may improve our newsletter or website let's hear from you. 

Don't forget that Daylight Savings Time ENDS Sunday, October 30th. 

The Editor 

 ASK JOYCE

As Joyce travels and works with educators all over the country, she is constantly being asked---

"What do you do when...?" questions.  She has the greatest respect for "what do you do when questions" because usually the questioner is genuinely seeking new information and the teacher is willing to be a student.  Each month, Joyce will answer one or more of the most common "what do you do questions".  You are welcome to send one of yours.  She'll do her best to answer it.  Keep in mind, her answers may be different from the customary response but they are tried and true strategies for getting students to do what you are asking them to do.  Give yourself permission to try something new! Email Joyce at joyce@thehumanconnection.net  with any questions or situations you would like input on.  Let us know if we can show the question in a future newsletter or if you prefer to keep it private. We are hoping Joyce can help address situations you encounter and by sharing these questions/answers others can benefit as well.

Balancing Compassion Intolerance

As I travel across this country, I never cease to be amazed at the stories I hear over and over of students living in extremely difficult or even horrifying situations.

This morning I heard a news report that there were 800k children in foster care in the U.S.  Most of these children and teens go to public school and all have been through terrible trauma.  This number, of course, does not include the many children who experience severe abuse or neglect that never comes to the attention of authorities.

The expectation that children and adolescents who are living in profoundly stressful circumstances will cross the threshold of their local school and automatically become ready and eager to learn is foolish.  Many say, especially of high school students, “Well don’t they see that education is the only way out of their terrible circumstances.”  The answer is no, they do not.  They are too busy trying to survive today and they are not able to look to the horizon.

These students need compassion and understanding.  They need their school and every classroom to be a safe haven from abuse and chaos.  They need lots of structure (See Good Kids, Page 65-73, Remember to Keep It S-I-M-P-L-E), which is detailed directions, routine and repetition.  While many are highly creative and artistic, they need the discipline and safety that predictable structure provides in order to become successful.  They need the adult around them to keep their cool and they need them to respond with firmness and fairness, even when handing out stiff consequences.

As important as kindness and compassion and understanding is for these students, it must be mixed with a certain degree of intolerance.  Again, with kindness, firmness and  fairness, educators must be intolerant of chaos, abuse or deliberate disruptions from these young people. 

Wounded youngsters need to know that you genuinely care for and respect them, including their right to refuse to learn, but you will not tolerate them imposing their unwillingness to learn on others.

The combination of deep compassion and serious intolerance for unacceptable behavior looks something like this:  The student has been rude and disruptive for several minutes, commanding the classes attention and unresponsive to the teacher’s request to cease and desist.  The teacher asks the student to step out for a moment--having trained the class to be able to function momentarily without the teacher’s eye directly on them. 

Teacher:  “Student’s name, it seems clear to me that you are having a rough day and I am sorry that learning is not a priority for you today.”  (Note:  No sarcasm in tone or word is used.)  “What can I do to help?”

Student:  “Nothing, I didn’t do anything.”

Teacher:  “I think you know that  you were being disruptive.  I want to help.  Do you need to go get a drink or would it help if you stood up in the back of the room?” 

Student:  “I guess I could get a drink.”

Teacher:  “Good, why don’t you do that and when you come back into the room (the teacher may want to stand in the doorway and watch the student walk to the water fountain), please be so kind as to respect the rights of others to learn if they choose.  I’d appreciate your cooperation.”

The trick to balancing compassion and intolerance for disruptive behavior is to speak slow and low and without anger but act swiftly when disruptions occur.

Wounded, troubled or highly stressed students can spin out of control much more quickly than their healthier classmates.  It is essential to be kind and non-threatening when confronting this behavior but to do it as soon as the negative behavior begins.  This is not the time to cut this student slack.  Intolerance for disruptive behavior works best, especially when it is coupled with true compassion and kindness. 

Joyce

Volume 34 - October 2005

http://www.thehumanconnection.net

 ASK JOYCE

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Mark@TheHumanConnection.net

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UPCOMING TRAINING   SEMINARS

November 18, 2005

Arch Ford Co-Op

Russellville School District Employees

Russellville, AK

November 19, 2005

Russellville School District

Russellville, AK

December 7, 2005

Russellville School District

Russellville, AK

January 10, 2006

Fayette County CARE Workshop Peachtree City, GA

January 13, 2006

Regional Office of Education, #12/Safe Schools Springfield, IL

January 13, 2006

Regional Office of Education, #12/Safe Schools Springfield, IL

January 24, 2006

Safe & Drug Free Schools & Communities Program Grantville, GA

 INSPIRATION

Books are the treasured wealth of the world and the fit inheritance of generations and nations.
Henry David Thoreau

Taken from ~ http://www.inspirational-quotes.info/index.html

 PERSONAL ENERGY SAVER

Energy Tip of the Month

For the last month plus, I have been moving.  First, we moved our office and now I am in the process of down-sizing—the politically correct term for selling a monster house and buying a pigmy condo. These events, as you can imagine, have generated enough stress to do me for quite some time.  But, they are also teaching new energy management strategies to share with you all.

New strategies:

2.  Remember, even positive changes feel bad at first:  Don’t fret about why you are feeling bad about a change that was meant to be good.  The brain is kind of lazy and doesn’t like to do much of anything new.  New habits, new surroundings, new people, new of most anything requires your brain to build new neuro-pathways. This building can take up to three weeks and even much longer to occur. 

3.  At times, it is good to lower your expectations.  When moving, re-decorating or in any way dealing with workmen, electricians, cable guys, painters, movers and various delivery folk, it is best not to expect that things will go as planned.  They won’t and accepting this harsh reality saves enormous energy.  All will be well eventually is an energy saving affirmation.

4.  Don’t always trust your emotions to tell you the truth.  If you find yourself feeling a little crazy, emotionally fragile or irritable, just remember these are pretty normal feelings in the midst of a big life change.  They are only feelings though.  They are not facts.  They will pass.

5.  Take time out to play:  No matter how much there is to do, regain a sense of order and control during a major change.  Leave it alone for short times and go play.  You come back to the task with renewed energy and clearer thinking.

6.  KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.  Even if one of the reasons you decided to move was to get away from constant repairs in an older home and the first day in the new home the movers put holes in the walls and create major dents in door frames and break new furniture so that the first thing you have to do in your new home is to make major repairs---LAUGH ANYWAY. The “moving Gods” are just playing a little joke on you and besides anger takes too much energy.

 CONTACT INFORMATION

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Phone (In Georgia): 770-631-8264                     

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Email: For info about newsletter/website, contact mark@thehumanconnection.net

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Website: http://www.thehumanconnection.net